"...I prefer to get high on life."

Adam: “If the toxic fuel tank remains intact as the satellite falls to Earth — about half its weight is expected to survive reentry — it could rupture and kill anyone nearby.”
how vague
how near is “nearby”within 10 feet?
a few miles?
me: ehh… good question
Adam: do you have to touch it, or inhale it, or what?
me: how about landing in neighboring European countries?
what if it lands in Liechtenstein? 
why does a banana want to grab another banana? 
I mean, those are the kind of questions I don’t want to answer.  

Adam: “In the unlikely event satellite pieces land in a populated area, people are strongly advised to avoid the impact area until trained hazardous materials teams are able to properly dispose of any remaining hydrazine.”
me: yeah, well, as long as they just warn everyone in advance, right? 
…. right guys?  right??

PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. — Wal-Mart officials are disputing a newspaper report that a volunteer firefighter helped deliver a baby in the chain’s Punxsutawney store on Valentine’s Day.

David Hau told The Punxsutawney Spirit newspaper he responded to a call for help over the store’s public address system. He says he was given rubber gloves by the store’s manager and then helped an Amish woman give birth.

But the store’s assistant manager and the company’s corporate spokeswoman both told The Associated Press that no employees recall the incident. They say they have no reason to believe it happened.

Mr. Hau stands by his story. He also tells The Associated Press that he’s hired an attorney.

Mr. Hau’s attorney had not returned calls placed to his home or office.

My questions are this:
1) Why would someone make this up?
2) Why would they say they “don’t recall” as it if might have happened but they don’t remember?  Do they have so many births in their store that they can’t keep track of them?  (Oh whoops, that was question 2b.)
3)  Why in the world does he need a lawyer??

 (Unfortunately they will never be able to find the Amish woman because the only part of her name they caught was ______fus, which only rules out about 1.3% of the Amish population.)           

YouTube comments on a Brian Regan video:

onex224-
(ya my dad was like dount wach him he cures and i said iv been seeing this for like a year and he dousent cures

24james-
Please buy a dictionary

Well, this could hardly be construed as “dressed-up”, except, perhaps, by the unkempt masses of my own (slovenly) generation.